ii.   editorial comments

1.    original: the preponderance of tv has eclipsed the popularity of newspaper among the contemporary media since the 1980s when tv was first introduced into china. revised: since it was first introduced into china in the 1980’s, tv has increasingly eclipsed the popularity of the newspaper.

“since”后面接时间点是正确的，但这里这一用法导致必须用when从句来修饰时间点，使句子变得冗长，修改后变成since直接加从句，而in 1980s成为状语。

1.       original: if you tempt to access to other mews…  revised: if you are tempted to access other news…

从用法上讲，“attempt”和“be tempt to”没有什么区别，但是用tempt是就要注意必须用被动态，加上主动词be。

3.    original: undoubtedly, the high efficiency supported the preference of tv, but the popularization also derives from its vivid scene. revised: tv’s popularity was undoubtedly a result of this high efficiency, but it was also derived from its vivid imagery.

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中文中，总是把状语提前，而英语却习惯把它放在句中；另外注意as a result of这样得短语，英语里常常用它来代替直白的主动用法。

iii.  alternative expressions

a.   the sentence was modified from “streaming” to “trickle” because “streaming into” is synonymous with “flooding in” and is therefore does not show a dramatic increase. example: the barbarian hordes streamed across the borders bringing the entire land under their rule. the common expression is to begin with a “trickle” which turns into a “flood” as in the modified sentence above. another alternative expression includes “pouring in and sweeping away” – example: the pocket calculators poured into the high school classrooms and swept away the abacus.

b.   generally, american english prefers to use euphemisms for “unpleasant” conditions like “old age.” in this case, the word was also changed because “elderly” includes both men and women. in addition to the “elderly,” standard euphemisms for “old people” are:

(i)    “senior citizens” – example: senior citizens comprise 60% of the population

(ii) “those in their golden years” – example: to my surprise the dance hall was filled with folks in their golden years but they danced as well and i.

c.   “boom" in sales here means a GREat increase in the number of tv’s sold. other expressions to indicate dramatic increases in sales are:

(i)   “take off” – example: sales of ice cream really took off that hot summer.

(ii) “go through the roof” – example: after marilyn died, the sales of her movies went through the roof.

(iii) “sales skyrocketed” – example: the sales of nba t-shirts skyrocketed when our team won the playoffs.

d.   to make something antiquated means to make it out of date and not current or even to make it useless. other expressions that indicate the effect that tv had on the newspapers might be:

(i)    “to render obsolete” – example: for some people, the tv has made the radio obsolete.

(ii)   “to make superfluous” – example: the tv seems to be making the daily newspaper superfluous.

――选自《手把手教你toefl作文》http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_508481ea010090u4.html