修改范例2

most people do not order their lives according to the paranormal, many would be willing to consider them as explanations when science fails or a possibility in the background of what is real. a husband who has lost his wife might have very vivid dreams in which he talks to her. psychology may say that this resulted from his own subconscious wishes, but the husband may find himself believing that his wife has spoken from the dead. a father whose child has been kidnapped might consult a psychic for visions of where the child has been taken if the police investigations have failed. it seems that people can trust in science, but are willing to consider other possibilities when scientific explanations fail them.n%r\Zkg[1r`^[本_文_来_源_于_我_的_学_习_网外语园地GRE http://Www.GZU521.Com ]n%r\Zkg[1r`^

上面的这一段中的例子可以启发我们想起更多的相关事实，其实这些都是我们日常生活中所经历的。我相信下面这些例子，听起来肯定也不陌生。当那些悲伤的遗属极度想要与他们去世的亲人见面的时候，他们可能就相信巫婆能够帮助活人和死人进行交流。比如白居易的《长恨歌》中就写道因唐明皇在杨贵妃死后过于思念她，于是就有人推荐“临邛道士鸿都客，能以精诚致魂魄。”，而唐明皇本人也相信并希望“天上人间会相见”。有些人对自己的职业或自己的前途感到担忧、不确定的时候，他们就求计于看手相或是算命的。那些感到地球是宇宙中一个非常孤独的所在的人就会相信在宇宙当中一定还有别的造福人类的生命存在。的确，巫术、占星术、以及其他的非主流精神现象在许多文化当中都存在。人们用这些办法来解释宇宙，来获得力量，否则的话在这个世界当中很多人就会觉得很无助。请看修改范例

修改范例3

grieving family members seeking to contact their lost relatives find comfort in believing that mediums can contact the dead. some people who are worried about their jobs or facing difficult decisions feel more assured about the future when they consult a palm-reader or fortune-teller. those who lack power or feel that the earth is a lonely place in the vast universe may find a more acceptable perspective in believing that other benevolent beings exist. witchcraft, astrology, and psychic phenomenon can be found in most cultures as man’s attempt to explain the universe, or to gain power over a world in which humans are otherwise helpless. 

在真正的gre考试中是不用把这上面举例的三段都放上去，写两段，甚至一段就足够了。因为在这篇文章当中作者更倾向于主流的科学，而否定这些非主流的精神追求。这里列出这么多就是为了提醒大家这些例证是万万缺不得的。而且，根据这些例子还要告诉大家，举出恰当贴切的例证并非如想象的那么难，只要多思考，平时多积累就可以在写作考试时信手拈来。

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[1] “it is…”的句型使用不当，因为这里没有强调的必要。这个句型经常被滥用，使用时应注意避免。

[2] and the like在正式的写作中不应当出现这样的语汇。

[3]第一句话中的more引出了很大的问题，它曲解了题目原意, 即nonmainstream的作用比mainstream enquiry的作用还要重要。而题目原意是 “play a vital role”, 并不是 a “pivotal,” or “central” role.

[4] always的语序位置不对，应该是the mainstream science always…

[5] “燃起希望”可以写成sparked a hope, kindled a hope。“light up”在这里用错了，这个词组的意思是给人带来兴奋和快乐，如：the shining report cards lit up father’s face. 优异的成绩单让父亲脸上流露出快乐。/the funny cartoon picture lit up the children’s eyes. 这有趣的卡通画报让孩子们的眼中流露出快乐。

[6]第一句话语法错误，主语应该是”these areas”, 但是现在的主语成了“we”.

[7] “no matter”应改为“whether”。

[8] “meet good luck”，“有好运气”不是标准的英语表达。

[9] “this kind”后面应该是复数，后面的谓语不应当是meets。

[10] “destine”一词表示“一定”，通常是用作形容词：he was destined for an important career in the church of england. 他注定在英国的教堂中担任重要职务。/by family tradition he was destined for a career as a regular army Officer.因为家庭传统，他肯定要当一个军官。

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